Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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