Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
