Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
