matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
