did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
another moral hangover. fuck.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
