okay pat passed out under dana's car
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
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