LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Is Oprah even human
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
