so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
