were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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