there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
