Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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