So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
