He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
