I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
