I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My pussy is not your playground.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
The Olympian is in my bed
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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