my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
