Joe is yelling at the trees again.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
