If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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