Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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