I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Boobs speak an international language.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
