It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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