So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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