Dude my mom stole all your condoms
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
