I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
