I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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