i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
