Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
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