Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
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I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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