Your mouth is God's brothel.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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