he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
