I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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