Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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