youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
