i just wanna soil my oats bro
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
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As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
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He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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