I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"