if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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