Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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