it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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