I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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