You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
