Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
