Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
