I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
