kristin has been a bad kristin
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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