Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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