Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
