Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
