The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize