shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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