we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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