I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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