I wanna bring you to show and tell
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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