how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize