Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
