Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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