why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
