remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
