If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
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Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
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Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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