I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
