when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
