um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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