Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
When are your genitals available?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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