this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
