He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
