Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
