HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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