just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
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He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
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He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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