That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
