The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
