We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
