ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
