somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
