my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
