That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
