phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
